Catholic girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?

 Frank Zappa – Catholic Girls 

The continuing demise of a lapsed Catholic Girl!

In this artificial world of fast friendships and lovers where you bare your soul swiftly and open your legs even quicker the fact that some of my Ashley Madison men have been on holiday is a strange feeling. You establish your relationships with a flurry of contact via email/text/Whatsapp (trying to entice each other without the normal boundaries of meets etc.) and suddenly the level of contact due to being in different time zones stops! I have jokingly named a few of my AM men as priorities and Leo is one of these.

Leo is back from holiday. I have already met Earnest this week and also had the usual one hour get to see if I fancy/like/want to shag meeting with a new Ashley Madison male who I have nicknamed the Spivvy. Leo has touched base and suggested we visit a Spa club in London. This is more spontaneous than a hotel and cheaper to boot! I find a confidence with Leo, so readily agree. I google the Spa and giggle, it is the antipathy of me and my upbringing, this could be fun if I can find my confidence. The website is cheesy and appears to be built on the cheap with basic use of colour and language, and somebody with a NQV in computing.

I arrange to meet Leo in yet another part of London I have never ventured too. Once I finished meeting men from AM I will have a black cab knowledge of Costa Coffees and All Bar One around London. I could become a tour guide, meeting points for shagging around London, a guided tour with numerous Coffee/Drink stops. Leo is waiting for me in Costa Coffee. I am in work clothes, a smart dress jacket and heels. I totter towards Costa reflecting the discussion I had with Leo re clothing. I have bought a bikini with me! I am not body confident and have indeed cried over my stomach area regularly, the result of numerous pregnancies and weight loss/gain, part of this experience is try and get over the hatred of the wobbly bits! I see Leos cheerful face and am immediately lifted. Because this is not love you never get the thrill of the electric shot coursing through your body as in a traditional courtship when you meet your lover, but it is always a delight to see my dopplefucker.

We made our way to the Naturist Spa. I find myself laughing at the fact that there is a NHS Stand directly outside the Spa being manned by two staff members who are holding leaflets and remind me of Jehovah Witnesses knocking at my door, who are always bemused when I announce that I am a Buddhist who loves Christmas and send them on their way. This stand is huge with prominent signage reminding me of the dangers of STI’s. There is me a middle aged woman entering a Spa for perhaps group sex.

The payment booth is tatty and manned by a cheerful woman who is both polite and pleasant and we pay our money and obtain our towels. The nerves are kicking in big time and I try and follow Leo into the men’s changing room (what a euphemism, surely it should be a stripping room), he gently points out the woman’s opposite. I enter this room to find a youngish beautiful female in there. She smiles and says hello. I then absurdly find myself trying to slip off my knickers under my dress desperately not revealing anything before putting bikini bottoms on. I do the one foot shuffle and quickly stuff my knickers into my handbag. I then have to negotiate taking the dress off but fortunately she leaves the room. I quickly take off my dress and wrap the towel supplied around me. I was worried the towel would not cover the bits and pieces but it does. Whilst the towel is around me I remove my bra ensuring that I am fully covered. Whilst I am placing my belongings in the locker two other woman enter the room. One is a big tall blonde with a broad smile. She has a flower in her hair and is naked apart from a very very colourful sarong which is tied under the female equivalent of a beer belly. She is friendly and lovely and when I am talking to her I try and avoid looking at her melonic breasts drooping happily. I do what every woman does the body comparison!

I venture out to meet Leo who with his typical confidence is standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist. My immediate thought is where are the condoms? Leo is filled with vigour and is confident and that provide confidence. Nerves means the bane of everyone, the urge to pee. I find myself in a non gender specific loo talking to myself and bursting into uncontrollable laughter, Leo follows after me leaving me with a very bemused man who has obviously heard me rambling/hysterically laughing whilst peeing. I try to act calm and make out that this what I do every Friday. The towel is firmly clasped around me, not a hint of bosom will be shown.

We wander through the Spa to check it out. There is a bar area (soft drinks are supplied) and I am bemused to find Danish Pastries cut into strips placed on paper plates, I did not expect this and it is bizarre that these are snacks provided. Several plates are placed strategically around the counter. There is a large female who appears to be emptying a thousand packet of crisps into paper bowls, she snaps when we enquire whether they are for all and then speculate whether she will be eating them all. She has carrier bags full of crisps. Maybe she is waiting for Gary Lineker to appear and she can entice him with the whole range of Walkers flavours.

We carry on walking, and pass some Jacuzzi type pools (are they Jacuzzi if they don’t bubble?), there are other smaller pools out of action. I am thinking germs, strangers sharing water, hope nobody has piddled in them. I don’t like the idea of sharing water and am quite pleased that Leo does not seem fussed about entering the water. I have visions of sperm swimming in this water, yuk (it is however a fantasy to have sex in water, Leo is working on that one). We carry on our exploration. I am curious as there are a so many men walking around of all shapes and sizes and ages (not many females) with bottles of baby oil tucked into the top of their towels. My imagination runs wild, why baby oil? Lube, a sign to each other or what? My imagination is further fuelled by a couple in one of the pool with a large tub of Vick sitting on the side. I did google subsequently and there is a school of thought of using it as a lubricant or hot and cold sensation and for anal sex.

There is a garden/smoking area at the rear which has building rubble waiting to be cleared at the end. There is a supply of cheap plastic chairs. I am struck by a woman in the smoking area who has visible straps of a costume underneath her towel, sitting on a chair chain smoking and reading a book. Her chair is positioned in a “don’t disturb me” way and I wonder if this is her form of relaxation.

We pass the saunas and enter another area of private rooms. To my naivety I see that there are men sitting on benches outside these empty rooms (there is a disproportionate number of men to women, at least 1 woman to every 8 men). I have a lightbulb moment when I realise they are hoping for action.

By now I am beginning to think I am not getting sex with Leo! and am quite pleased when Leo suggests that we use one of these rooms. We enter and Leo locks the door. They are dimly lit with a thin coated mattress (in retrospect I wonder if they wipe these mattresses) with a red light dimly illuminating the interior. I take off my bikini bottoms and discard the towel and we begin to have sex. Leo immediately opens me up with oral sex. Leo has a knack for this area of expertise. I am lying on my back legs open and Leo is down there. He immediately finds my clit and I can feel it swell under his tongue. He licks and sucks and applies pressure to the area and I find it not long before an orgasm is coursing through, I buckle as to indicate that I am now sensitive and get your tongue of my clit. I then find out that Leo has kept the condoms tucked in the back of his towel. Very cleverly since they have not fallen out. I still do not have enough experience of what men like and I tentatively touch Leo. He is hard and he applies the condom to his thick penis. He then enters me his cock filling my pussy which is both satisfying and needed. I become very very wet when aroused and I can hear this wetness as Leo starts to fuck me. Leo works his way in several positions including the Leo 1, which is twisting me around so he penetrates extremely deeply. I am conscious that the door is rattled on occasion and I am glad that Leo has locked it as I am enjoying myself and want to let go. Leo comes and I replace my bikini bottoms and wrap the towel around me and we leave the room. The men are still sitting there with a hangdog expression and a look of disappointment that they were not invited in to play.

We enter the Sauna and a man follows us in and sits opposite us. He is smiling at me, I try not to make eye contact but occasionally do, he continues to smile. He is not bad looking, younger and foreign. I am sitting with Leo and find myself wanted to morph into Leo, I am not used to this nor the rules of engagement!

We leave the Sauna and just sit on a bench, the same man comes and joins us and starts conversing. He asks if I want a massage indicating to the bottle of baby oil tucked in his towel (mystery solved). I cannot speak to him directly and there is this absurd situation of this man talking to me, I then look at Leo speechless and Leo answering on my behalf. The man implores me to feel his hands stating that he was very very good at massages. Being brought up politely I touch his hand and agree that they are smooth. He continues to ask if I want a massage and eventually Leo with a sign tells him that I don’t like massages. Crestfallen the man walks away, obviously he realised he is hitting his head against Rebecca’s brick wall.

I tell Leo that I want sex with him again and once again we move back to the private rooms area, past the line of men hoping for a piece of action and enter another different room. Once again I strip off the bikini bottoms and towel. Leo once again stimulates me. The dimness of the room makes me more comfortable about enjoying this sexual experience. No worries about lumps and bumps, no worries of the body being seen naked in daylight, this is good. Leo has my bucket list of sexual experiences I wish to have fulfilled and we are working towards this. We are having sex, my labia have been parted, Leo has caressed the cherry, he has played with the spot, he has thrust his lovely thick penis in, we are having normal sex. Leo then suggests that this is the time for him to place a finger in my anus whilst we are having sex. I bite the bullet and agree and he slides his finger in. I momentarily think “oh shit” literally!!! and have an incredible urge to want to go to the loo. His finger is in and I get used to it, it is a strange sensation not unpleasant in fact pleasant indeed. Being Leo this is just another part of sex to him and because he does not make a fuss I find myself relaxing and enjoying it. He is pumping away, cock in my pussy, finger in my arse. I find myself beginning to climb the mountain to orgasm, (I often feel the pleasant feeling during sex but do not reach climax through penetrative sex). However as Leo continues to pump me and use his finger in my anus I find that I am continuing to climb the mountain, I am reaching nearer and nearer to the peak and a warm all encasing feeling has started in my pussy and started working it’s way through. I climax, the feeling is incredible I picture a pebble being thrown into a still lake and the ripples moving outwards and outwards. I have actually climaxed through sex, I have mentally named this the LEO 5*. I tell him quietly that I have actually orgasmed through sex, I don’t want to swell his ego, god forbid!

I also find myself stating that I was almost hoping that the door opened and we were being watched whilst having good sex. Leo suggests that perhaps next time I choose some men enter the room myself and he would bring them to me. I find that quite trilling, what a difference 4 months makes. I have gone to counting the men I have had sex with in my life on one hand, to an enjoyment of sex which has included more than one hand’s worth of men.

Leo and I walk back through the Spa, we need to shower as it was very hot in the room. I enter the shower area with Leo and beyond belief I remove my towel displaying by breasts to the world. Fortunately there is no one else around, Leo does not say a word just raises an eye!

We return to our respective changing rooms, passing the bar area, the Danish Pastries are still in strips on their paper plates. In my changing room, there is a young black girl sitting on the floor dying her hair extensions! She informs me that she is dying them in her summer colours. I wonder why she is doing it in a Spa not at home, passing the time until the evening she explains when it hots up with loads more people. She will be here until the early hours so she is multi tasking. I am contemplating multi tasking next time!

As we leave the Spa I note the NHS stand has gone…

Peter and I have decided to “branch out”, we enjoy each other’s bodies and have gelled really well which led to discussing other fantasies. I know Peter is the stereotypical man’s dream of two women, although I have no tendencies towards woman I am happy for him to have this fantasy. I am not too sure when Peter tells me he will teach me to “go down” on a woman. Down where, a little trip down the coast? Play with her feet? I sigh and give him a wry smile

Peter has contacted a previous woman who he had sex with who remains in text contact and he knows “swings”. Is that the right term? Normally you swing with your partner but I am swinging with a man I meet for sex. This woman called “Leah” is swinging with a man she met on Illicit Encounters called “Tom. They meet once a week to go to a spa and also intermittently for normal couple things! So we have this absurd situation of two couples neither of them in a conventional relationship considering another form of relationship as couples swinging. (Hope you follow).

Peter provides me with Leah email and we start communicating. I have lots of questions! I deal with facts and in my brain I need the facts clarified. Leah requests photographs and I oblige. I notice that each time I email she cc’d Tom into the emails. I receive a couple of photographs back of Tom. He is gorgeous with a fabulous smile and dark looks, I feel quite happy!! (he is very similar in a strange way to Peter)
Leah explains the art of “swinging” via email and we arrange to chat on the phone. I receive news back via email (cc’d into Tom) that Tom likes me and makes some comment about removing my dress. I arrange to speak to Leah on the phone.

Leah and I have a conversation as I am walking from the station. She can talk this girl but comes over as pleasant. One thing is immediately clear, she is in love with Tom. Although she does not say it it is clear. I am told he is a wonderful masseur, he is the best lover ever, he knows how to treat a lady etc etc. She has introduced him to her friend who provides cover who says “you are so right together!” She then describes the first time they swing with another couple, an American couple over her on a break. The woman has had all plastic surgery known to man including the fanny tightening. Leah was not happy as Tom enjoyed sex with her too much and she describes taking one for the team! (she tells Tom afterwards she is not happy about his enjoyment). We arrange a rough time to meet for a drink (everyone is on holiday so it will be delayed several weeks. Tom is at his place abroad for a considerable time). She enquires if I am “bi curious”. I suppress a giggle.

All the time Peter and I are discussing the contact I have had with Leah and how we are going to play it. They want to immediately meet at the Spa we want a drink in town!

Life goes on, me meeting several men from AM. I tell Leo about this contact with Steph and Tom. He feels it is too soon in my adventure. (Leo and Peter know all about the others, the others do not know about each other).

I am checking my emails and in pops a graphic email from Tom. I read it and am immediately turned on. This man writes well and is sexually atuned and asks prying questions. It is graphically written but not coarse in anyway shape or form. I immediately note that Leah is not copied into the email. I reply in full details explaining my misgivings, my fears, my hatred of initial meets, not wanting to go to the Spa etc. I do not cc Leah in. He further emails he expresses surprise that he has noticed Leah is not cc’d in (UMMMMM)

Emails fly back and forth, graphic accounts of what we desire our experiences etc. We talk about body issues and he states that he feels “fat” at the moment. To date I have never had a man come in my mouth and I am always upfront about this (I do not want a nasty shock one day, this is going to be addressed) We discuss spunk and I get a detailed description well written and amusing.

“The taste of s**** (I’ll use your phrase for fun!) is a bit boring. I had a vasectomy a while ago and the taste changed a lot. However, buy an unripe Brie cheese and you’ll get a good idea. The texture also changed, mine was quite gloopy before, whereas it’s quite runny now. And less of it. It’s no big deal, and you’ll realise that soon.” followed by

I’ve rethought the Brie! Crack an egg, throw the yolk, and drink the white. That’s the closest. Make sure it’s warm tho! I suspect it’s around where it’s come from, rather than the taste. I can’t help that one

I am not convinced that his detailed descriptions have made me wish to try it!

Eventually it is established that Tom is returning to England for a few days due to work commitments and would I like to meet for a drink/coffee/sex? This would be prior to our meeting with Leah and Peter. I have disclosed to Peter that Tom has been emailing and Peter has urged me not too meet him as it would spoil the equilibrium. However this is me a lapsed Catholic Girl being very very bad.

I have a meeting at a conference centre, it happens to be in the same area as Tom owns a house. We arrange to meet. I have not told Leo I am going to meet him as his sighing disapproval emanates down the phone on occasions, and I know he thinks I am in dangerous territory. I am deceiving everyone. I had tripled booked with two other Ashley Madison men and find myself making feeble excuses not to meet the other two, fortunately a tube strike works in my favour so my excuses are more plausible. (Leo always suggests I use girl excuses but I can’t talk about that)

The morning of the meet I speak to Tom. His voice is far more effeminate than I imagined from his photograph. We chat freely.

I am sitting in the wine bar at the Conference centre awaiting Toms arrival. I have not had food and ordered a glass of Red Wine. Red Wine and me do not mix at all. I am flushed and the wine is going to my head. I am once again contemplating what Rebecca has got herself involved with. I am trying to look cool calm and collected and a confident worldly woman. I am really a bumbling mess of a woman trying to be cool calm and collected! I go to the loo and my heels echo loudly on the wooden floor I am trying not too trip, a female lying on the boards is not a sensual look.

There is one other person in the wine bar. Suddenly a whirling dervish enters, he is a man dressed in trainers, jeans and polo top. He has unkempt hair and a large large beer belly. He looks at me briefly and plonks a paper and bag down in the next set of chairs. He then goes up to the bar and orders waters. I recognise the voice, this is Tom. I immediately think when was your photograph taken? He walks back and is on his phone, my phone rings and I answer and he looks and smiles at me……………………………….

He joins me at my table and we start talking. Close up I can see the wonderful piercing eyes are the same. He is right about himself feeling fat!. We converse and he is easy to talk too. We discuss Leah and the fact she loves him. He recognises that he has to deal with that. I find myself agreeing to go back to his place. We take a cab there. His housemates have locked him out and we have this strange situation of him legging over the fence to gain entry and then coming to let me in. One of his housemates is in the kitchen. I saunter past trying not to look like a woman who is going to be fucked. We go upstairs to the lounge and he produces a scarf and ties it around my face. He says it is because I am nervous and it will help me relax. He leads me to the bedroom whereby he slowly slowly reveals my body. He makes me orgasm by using his mouth, a slick proficient I know exactly what I am doing affair. He makes me uncover myself slowly. He then has sex with me. A slow gentle process with numerous positions being utilised including one which requires acrobatics of movement as he pulls me up from a lying position onto his cock. His eyes are incredible. I can see flashes of his photographs.

Have he comes he is sweating and states he is taking a shower. He really is sweating, sweat is running down his front and his back and over his tummy. Clarity hits me and I think what the heck am I doing here, I am lying to everybody! I seize the moment to dress and when he returns for seconds I am dressed and ready to go. I mumble some excuse about needing to get home and ask him to walk me to the station. I realise I have done nothing to pleasure him, he has provided all the pleasure. This is commented on in later emails, I am chided but not in a horrid way.

We discuss Leah and Peter. We agree not to tell either of them and to go ahead with our drink in September. We wish each other well and he leaves me at the station. Enroute we also discuss the Leah loving Tom situation and the previous couple when Leah got jealous. I am told “don’t have an orgasm and then Leah won’t mind” I laugh……………….

I have a spreadsheet (!!!!) I update with the men I have met and the sex I have had along with comments it amuses me and Leo. I update that I have both met Keith and had sex with him. Later I receive a communication from Leo (who is away) with a naughty naughty comment.

The following day I am meeting Peter. We are in the pub and he asks me about Tom, I fudge the issue, a few minutes later he asks again. I tell him I have met and slept with Keith. I discuss the difference between the photograph and reality. Peter calls him Lipo, and I state that if I am having sex with Tom, Peter must hold my hand ready to pull me out if I need recuscuiating He says he does not mind…………. We decided that I will not tell Tom and neither of us will tell Leah.

We now have this strange situation of meeting for a drink. Peter knows about Tom but has to pretend not too. I know that Peter knows and have to not let on. Tom will pretend that he has never met me and Leah will be non the wiser………………………………………..

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when at first we practice to deceive!

After the first meeting I was apprehensive as to whether there would be a second meeting. We have a strange affection relationship, after the first meeting we discussed the rules. One or two phone calls a week, one lunch a month and text. Well we found that we did not need to touch base that regularly. He both infuriates and fascinates me, he makes me laugh because he will send a random x text. He says it is because he thinks “oh heck I have not touched base”, I do the same. Our text are generally funny and totally random. We had a discussion about boots used for sailing.

We booked the same hotel and hoped that we could rotate around the whole hotel changing rooms on each occasion. I had asked Peter as I ask all the men whether he had any special requests. He requested on this particular occasion that I travelled without knickers. Now I am fairly liberal but the thought of a two hour journey without underwear did not appeal. What if I tripped up the stairs, would people really want to see a view of my pussy. I told him “no problem” and started my journey fully attired in underwear. I knew that he might be at the pub before me and it would spoil it if I disappeared to the loo on arrival so I found a happy compromise. My knickers stayed on until I availed myself of a local Pret to adjust the underwear. I arrived at the pub to find he was running late!!!

What I like about Peter is that he does not ask for much, he always compliments me on my dress etc, but his attitude is basically the clothing is coming off so he does not request much often. We had our usual wine in the pub and surreally we discuss how we are, how work is, how friends are, never sex. I greet him with “mistress reporting for duty” with a fake whistle and salute which he reciprocates. God knows what the other pub goers think, especially when he checks the no knickers aspect. We set the scene by our usual laughter. We gel with laughter and I continue to question as to whether he has had botox as he has incredibly good skin and a smooth face. He continues to deny……………..

We continue to the hotel room. We have bought some toys, a large pink rabbit which looks frightening, some lube and a vibrating cock ring. We start to have sex. Peter is a very generous lover and he slowly starts to rotate his thumb on my clit building the feeling up gently and warmly. He then uses his mouth to bring me to climax. I find it hard to climax through penetration. He is very directional, not bossy never dom like but he does direct. He tells me to open my legs which with reticent I close. He likes to bring me to multi climaxes and will gently tell me to move my hands away from my clit trying to prevent him from arousing me further. Peter uses all positions and will open me up to receive him and enjoy myself. We spend hours having sex with multiple orgasms. He positions me and shows me how to enjoy myself. For the first time in my life I am free and am willing to open up to him. We have discussed anal sex and he has gently tried to prepare me for something I wanted to try. I request he talks to me throughout, he explains what he is doing but unfortunately I am not capable of relaxing enough. He uses the vibrator on me, a new experience and an intense orgasm. He tells me I am creaming.

As usual we have food in the room. I have grabbed several items from the M & S at the station, a bizarre combination of sandwiches, bottles of wine, pork gyoza, tomatoes, and chocolate and our favourite crisps. We gorge on this feast using the time to actually talk about our relationships, our friends, work, the future etc. I feel very close at this stage as we lie on the bed munching crisps very close to each other. This I must point out is not love or emotion, of course I am part of his life and him mine, but it is the parallel life I keep separate. I know once I leave him apart from a few text and conversations our lives are apart until the next time. This is what I want and he wants, I don’t want emotion, I don’t want feeling, I want fantastic sex………

Once we have departed after five hours of sex and checked our calendars to book the third meeting, I realise we have left the cock ring in the room. I jokingly suggest that he contacts lost property………………