The heart-ache which I had experienced at the break-up of my first “affair” in the summer two years ago (see posts “Heart-ache” and “Déjà Vue”), taught me that affairs can be quite tricky, especially once the emotional attachment to a single person becomes too strong. At the same time I had already explored the possibility of visiting swingers’ clubs (see post “Last week, somewhere on the Continent ….”). This seemed to me a good alternative to having (an) affair(s) – but I encountered problems in finding a similar venue to the one I knew from the Continent in the big city. Yes, there were various event and party-organisers, but the timing was an issue almost impossible for me to resolve. And anyway, at that point in my life, visits to the big city were irregular and widely spaced apart. So, for the time being, I decided to use the tagging site for chatting and the occasional bit of cam-fun. It was not until October that year that I met up with someone else.

I had been chatting with David since late summer. We discovered our mutual interest in dancing and his particular preference for salsa. Like me, he was a keen traveller who had seen quite a bit of the world. We vaguely talked about the possibility of meeting; coordination of his work-schedule and travelling possibilities with my visits to the big city would not be easy, but not impossible. But first he was going on holiday – for three weeks! Somehow I did not have great hope that we would ever talk again after what, in terms of casual on-line conversations, is a lengthy interruption of communication. So I was pleasantly surprised when I got another messages from him a few weeks later, and we picked up where we left.

Finally, in October, our schedules were compatible. Like with my “first”, we had neither spoken on the telephone, nor chatted on web-cam – but nevertheless, David took a chance (as I did) and travelled to the big city to spend the night with me. However, I could hardly book a double room (bank-statements can be a give-away after all, although I had taken that risk with my “first”). At the same time, the danger of being stuck with someone in a single room, or rather bed, for an entire night, loomed large. So, when I checked in, I told the receptionist that there was a change of plan and that I needed a double after all. Of course I would pay the difference (in cash!). Making this request felt rather naughty, and even more so when I added my husband’s name to the check-in sheet.

David and I had agreed to meet straight away in my room – not unlike my first adventure. He announced his arrival by text message, although this time there was no pre-planned scenario. Still, I was excited. Would he look anything like his pictures? What would he be like? After all I knew him only from on-line conversations. When I opened the door for him, I was not at all disappointed and took in the sight with delight. In his late 40s, a bit taller than me, blond, blue-eyed, and with the body of a body-builder (no piercings or tattoos) he was quite a hulk. We did not lose much time and soon found ourselves on the bed, kissing and exploring each other. He did wonderful things with his tongue, licking and teasing me for a long time and clearly enjoying himself as well. Very much to my surprise, he even got me to squirt a little, something I had never done (or at least not noticed) before. His cock was quite thick, and I found taking him in a bit difficult, even slightly painful, but clearly he was used to that kind of problem and therefore gentle and careful.

Later, over dinner, we exchanged stories about our journeys to all kinds of exotic places, discussed our respective children, and generally our conversation flowed easily from topic to topic. The evening continued in this pleasant and laid-back atmosphere in a near-by pub, although we were back in the room at a reasonable time. I enjoyed cuddling up to this lovely, hulky man and soon we drifted off to sleep. After some more play during the night and in the morning and a leisurely breakfast, we each went our way. We never met again – the logistics and scheduling proved to be too complicated, although for some time afterwards we did exchange on-line messages occasionally. Nowadays he logs into the site very rarely and we haven’t been in contact for several months. Enjoyable as this meeting was, there was never any emotional attachment. I had learned my lesson – or so I thought (see “Déjà Vue”).

A few months passed. Early in the following year my situation changed. I could escape regularly to the big city for a couple of days and an evening on my own. By then I had signed up, on the advice of one of my on-line friends, to a site for (extra)marital affairs. The first man I met from there was Marcus.

Our introductory meeting was brief. I asked him to join me for a chat over coffee in the place where I usually take my lunch-break. Since he had no profile photo on the site I had no idea what he looked like. By text message I sent him details of what I was wearing that day so that he could pick me out from the crowd more easily. When I arrived at the coffee shop, I quickly cast my glance around – was he there already? Was he this man over there in the corner, reading a paper? Or perhaps the one waiting in line for his coffee? I tried to relax, waited for someone to approach me. I got my coffee, chose a seat – hmmm, not the ideal venue for an “intimate” chat, too many people around, chairs too closely together, conversations easily overheard. Well, we would have to keep our chat fairly neutral. Then, a single man entered, looked around, and approached me straight away. There was no need to identify ourselves, it was immediately clear that we had found each other. I watched him while he stood in the queue for his coffee. I liked what I saw. He was tall, around 6 ft, mid 50s, brown hair, quite handsome, broad shouldered. Sitting next to each other, we quietly talked and introduced ourselves. I discovered his dry sense of humour, and a bit of cynicism, and liked his “posh” accent. Time flew, and for once a sudden downpour was rather welcome, providing us with an excuse to stay on a bit longer. On parting, I asked him whether he liked what he saw of me, and with a smile and a wink he said: “Yes, very much so”.

During the following week we corresponded by e-mail almost daily. We covered a wide range of subjects: from brief enquiries about our well-being to saucy chats, and I looked forward with great anticipation to the meeting we had planned for the next week.

On the day I left work a bit earlier than usual, checked in, sent him my room-number, and soon he joined me. Oh these first kisses! He had to bend down a bit – or I had to get on tip-toes for our lips to touch. Those strong arms enveloping me! I felt so safe and cherished. How enjoyable was the touch of his big hands, starting to wander and explore my body! Slowly he undressed me, showering my neck, shoulders, and breasts with kisses. I unbuttoned his shirt, slid it over his shoulders and let my hands glide over his well-defined, almost hairless, torso. I sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to unfasten his belt. Darn! Why do these things have to be so fiddly? Sensing my struggle he took over, giving me a chance to recline on the bed, watching him to undress further. I admired his muscular legs –what a nice body this man had! By now I was full of anticipation of things to come, could not wait to feel this fabulous body next to mine.

The next sight, however, was a bit disappointing. He wasn’t (how do I express this politely?) in the biggest department. At that moment my rational mind kicked in, telling me “size isn’t important, relax and see what happens”. Well, I wasn’t quite convinced (and neither am I entirely convinced now), but nevertheless, what followed was an hour of very sensual, slow love-making – perhaps a little too gentle for my liking. What he lacked in size he made up for with oral attention and fingers. Although satisfying in many ways, in other ways I still had the feeling of being un(ful)filled. Once we had climaxed (and I hasten to emphasise that I did have several orgasms) we snuggled up tightly and I got the most delicious hugs and cuddles. While lying in his arms, I tried to make light conversation, but I sensed that he did not really want to talk; he seemed pre-occupied and his answers to my questions were rather short.

Due to business and family matters on his side, our next meeting a couple of weeks later was for “breakfast”. He would come to my room, quickly undress and slip under the covers, still warm from the previous night, with me. Nothing better to start the day with some gentle love-making! Enjoyable as our meetings were, there was never any guarantee that he would be able to meet me regularly, and in fact more often, actually he joined me for “breakfast” because it was easier for him to get away from home. Also, our meetings somewhat lacked the excitement I had with my first affair. On one occasion I suggested he be a bit more assertive, but that didn’t come easy to him, and I don’t think he was quite comfortable with it.

Moreover, as much as I enjoyed the physical element of our relationship, there was virtually nothing on an intellectual level. We never really talked much, and I never got to know him beyond the most superficial level. While of course I did not want any emotional ties, this was at the other end of the relationship-spectrum, without almost any personal connection.

I realised soon that this was not quite what I had had in mind either. Also, with Marcus visiting me more often than not in the morning, I had the entire evening before to fill. After all I wanted to make the most of the time I had away from home. Over the previous weeks I had made some more contacts on the site, and I made arrangements to meet interested men -mostly for coffee during my lunch-break, sometimes for drinks and/or dinner in the evening. In many cases I do not even remember their names today, but with one, Danny, I had had a number of very entertaining e-mail conversations and we clicked on a personal level. However, when we finally met, I felt absolutely no attraction. He was nice enough, but more of a best mate type than of a lover. He was clearly disappointed when I told him, and needless to say that we did not stay in touch.

Things changed when I met Graham. Without going into any details right now (there is another story to follow), over the next few months we met occasionally, and it did happen on a few occasions that I would see Graham in the evening and Marcus the following morning. Very carefully I kept my double life (or rather treble if my husband is taken into consideration) secret – after all I did not want to jeopardise any of those relationships. But more importantly, I started to enjoy this juggling of men! On a few occasions I took this even further, meeting one person in the afternoon, and another one in the evening. (Leo, whom I see usually in the afternoon, takes particular delight in such situations, often asking what I have planned for “afters”.)

This lifestyle was (still is) exceedingly exciting. I felt really naughty, alive, and at the same time liberated. Liberated from my own inhibitions, and liberated from norms and conventions imposed on me by my upbringing and generally by social conventions. Finally I had taken my sexual life fully into my hands, and I embraced that kind of life-style involving multiple relationships. This would almost guarantee a reasonably fulfilled sex-life – after 12 years of total abstinence I had promised myself on my 50^th birthday that I would never go without sex for any time longer than absolutely necessary and that I would take any given opportunity or create opportunities myself. At the same time, I thought, that multiple relationships would diminish the danger of developing too close emotional ties to any one partner. Of course there is no guarantee that I would not fall for someone (or vice versa), as I experienced in the case of Martin (see “Déjà Vue”), but on the whole this method seems to work, at least so far. For all (except in a few cases of singular “adventures”) of my past and present “partners in crime” I have a feeling of deep affection and fondness, of friendship and mutual respect. The only condition is that they accept my choice of lifestyle, about which nowadays I am very clear and honest up front. During various conversations with my partners (in particular with Leo), interestingly, and to my great surprise, I discovered that rather than being taken for a slut (oh, this word again!), many men find a woman who confidently goes out to seek and take what she wants, an exciting turn on. This insight into the male mind was absolutely new to me, and quite an eye-opener. While it is quite clear that not everyone will accept this, many of my contacts do quite happily and they enjoy listening to my stories and adventures.

Afterthought: What became of Marcus?

Through a twist of fate, however, I lost sight of Marcus sometime in April. He stopped contacting me. I took it as a sign that he had lost interest in me. Only later in the year I learned that his business had run into trouble and that for a while his life had been topsy-turvy. A meeting in November – planned as my “birthday treat of a special kind” for him – had to be cancelled on short notice, and after a few e-mails every now and then – contact stopped again. How great was my surprise that when I signed up with Ashley Madison a few months later, one of the first avatars I saw was his! Greatly amused, I sent him a message, and our e-mail exchange started again. Since it was around a year after our first meeting, we agreed on another “breakfast” to celebrate our anniversary. This brief revival of our relationship was nice, but the little chemistry there was at the beginning had dwindled to almost nothing, and once again I have lost sight of him. But somehow I have the feeling that our paths might cross again!