I am navigating around London, places have now become focus points for meetings from Ashley Madison.  An opportunity has arisen to meet Leo, albeit a brief hello prior to an evening with another man. I don’t really want to meet Leo.  I have told him too much, he has extracted information in a slow subtle manner which has exposed my weakness and vulnerabilities. I don’t want him to move from C to an A via B. (talk, meet, sex). I don’t need another man to add to the conclave of people I have been communicating with, I am overwhelmed and struggling to cope with the volume of contacts I have made.  I define them by their occupations, their likes, their dislikes.   Leo is experienced, Leo may lead me to pastures never conquered beyond my realm of comfort, I am scared I might enjoy it. 

 
It is only a week since I had started a flurry of conversations with Leo.  He is immediately upfront about his woman.  I like that.  I have chosen to be selective with what I tell my men.  It worries me, I feel I will be judged, the Catholic upbringing suppressing me.  I spoke to Leo for the first time whilst I was on a train, a conversation being overheard by travelling tourists.  He is obviously relaxed speaking to strange woman.  I speak to him a few times on the phone, at times he infuriates me especially when he comments on the Surrey accent occasionally taking over the Essex accent.  He is a snob, a cultured snob, a product of public school education.  A classic clean eating, Guardian inspired snob. 

 I have been to work, I am in my work clothes, I am hot, I have walked.  I stop at Boots to buy some Impulse spray and am walking along the road spraying myself. I am with a work colleague, he laughs not realising the reason why.   It clashes with the Estee Lauder perfume I wear consistently.  I land on the tube and find myself in front of people sniffing my arm pits.  I can feel sweat on my back.  I am going to meet two men smelling like a navvy and a combination of bargain Impulse and expensive perfume.  I have laddered my tights and find myself pulling them to hide the hole.  My make up is smudged I am not ready.  I am Latin, I have hair, I fight a battle with the curse of females, upper lip hair.  I name it George the Caterpillar.  I have told Leo……  I have printed my map to walk from the tube station, I cannot follow maps, Leo tells me that maps show North at the top, I never knew that. 

I arrive at the venue half an hour early.  I message Leo.  He tells me that he will send some emails and then join me.  A clever trick.  I suppress the urge to buy a large glass of wine and down in one, so I sedately order water.  I go to the toilet to spray more impulse and adjust the hole in the tights. 

 
I spy Leo as he walks in.  I am pleasantly pleased.  His body is good, his face cute and very open and expressive.  He smiles and we actually meet.  We move from the very open venue to a quiet pub. 

 Despite all good intentions I have a drink.  I chose Gin and tonic as being a clumsy person if it is spilt it won’t show.  Leo sits next to me.  The first thing he does he touch The Caterpillar, he does it in a funny comfortable way, I resist the urge to pull away, I find it difficult to look at Leo, a character fault of mine eye contact makes me uncomfortable, being Leo he has noticed and tells me to look at him.  I unintentionally brush his manhood, I like it.   We talk about my aversion to saliva, my fear of undressing in front of a man, we laugh and communicate naturally.   Leo tells me that he has had worse bodies.  I chide him on that comment.  I like Leo, he is open, he is upfront, he is clear what these experiences are all about.  He will share himself with no hierarchy. He is honest, he has humour.  I like that, I want to be like that with my relationships. 

He escorts me to my date with the other man, (I go on to have a very enjoyable evening.) 

 The next day I find myself emailing Leo. I want him to move to an A.  I give him some dates.  What the fuck am I doing, I find myself wanting to experience sex with him, I want to see what he is like.  

 Days later, I find myself using Leo as a mentor, asking him questions his opinions, I am still learning, still unsure of the etiquette, whether I am doing the right thing and going the right way.  He tells me I must be upfront and tell the other lovers about each other. I discuss one who is becoming too close, he advises how to deal with it.  I talk to him about some of my taboos, he doles out the advice.   I don’t know whether we will ever have sex with Leo but have learnt that every girl needs a straight talking Leo………………………………….